Saying good-bye to your dreams is not easy. Wishing I could shut off my emotions and just get on with what I need to do ..... for me ....
I was recently brought face to face with another decision I had subconsciously been putting off; the dispersal of my husband's vast accumulation of tools. I think in a way by avoiding making a decision about the tools I was hanging onto him a while longer.
There are small tools and large ones, tools to be used on a farm, tools for working on vehicles, tools for wood-working, machinist tools, garden tools, welding tools, some truckers tools, even a few bee-keeping tools in the mix. Screws, bolts, nails of various sizes, shelves of paint, yeesh!
For people who have not been through this, or have family living nearby to help, I surely do not expect you to even fathom what it is like to go through this alone. And thats ok, if this is boring to you, just go on to your next blog :)
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I had been planning to go to Arizona to visit my brother, stopping on the way at a blogging friend's home, (Susan, of Penless Writer) in Ok, then down to Dallas TX to visit my youngest and her family. My little grandson misses me and I him.... It is evident we have a special closeness. Breaks my heart to disappoint him by not coming right now. Then I was to go on to another blogging painter friend near Tyler, TX (Vickie of Sandflat Farm) and spend a day or two painting with her. Then on to a cousin south of Ft. Worth for a few days, and finally on to AZ, taking my good old time stopping to paint along the way, visiting my brother and sil in Tucson, and meeting up with a couple more RV'ing blogger friends.
I COULD really get angry about all this ...... I think this is the most anger I have felt since my husband passed away last June....... but what good would that do???? When it all boils down to it, I KNOW that GOD has the better plan and He knows much better than I what is best for me. Still it is not always easy to follow the Master..... until you actually take the first steps needed to submit to His wisdom and follow, but it is wise. Then it does become easier and joy begins to enter in and you actually become relieved that He is guiding you.
So, I need to wait on the closing on the Kentucky farm(a few more days), and the closing of the new residence in PA (scheduled by March 5th) Then the move and settling in..... There I will be living close to lots of family. There are good things in store I am sure. I am not fooling myself as I know there are trials and tests ahead as well. I just need to put on blinders like on a horse and stay focused!! Be who I am, who God has made me to be, not drown in the pool of sameness... be smothered by expectations of others and my pensity to make everyone else happy. I must be on guard against that human fraility of mine.
I am going to Nashville to an RV show with friends this weekend ... and not promising just to look.
Praying for you Sunny... God is with you. Prayin he gives you peace. He does have a plan. I guess I've messed some post, I didnt know you were moving. I gotta go look.
ReplyDeleteYou know I believe you are so right on track, Sunny. It's a great big BEAUTIFUL puzzle and God is putting in all the pieces, one and a time. You, even with your painters "eye" and talent, do not have a complete view of the completed piece.....but HE does and that is where our walk of faith and trust not only abide but grow.
ReplyDeleteHave fun at the RV Show!!! Wonder what that piece might be :o) ((hugs))
Dear mom, as we spoke yesturday, even though our circumstances are nowhere near the same, the emotions of our situations are. I feel everything you are going through in my path. Letting go just simply is not in our human nature which is why it needs left up to the higher power. If we gave into that, we would stay in a little bubble surrounded by the outside we are missing. Maybe instead of us feeling we are saying goodbye to our dreams is God's way of saying its time for a new one. I have not been through a death of my partner, I could not begin to understand that side, i can only say I have been through the death of dreams that I once had with my partner, and the pain is still great. The unkown still haunts me. But one thing I have learned from my mother, is to keep on moving. It will get there, in the future I will understand the good that was about to become. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI don't even pretend to know what you're going through, but, I do know for a fact, that God is faithful, and will be there with you every step of the way......praying for you my friend.........
ReplyDeleteHi Sunny,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I haven't been in touch. My own husband passed on just a week ago yesterday and I haven't blooged at all until tonight when I felt ok to post kind of a memorial to him. However, a year ago when he had to move out of our home into a nursing home, I ran into the exact problem you describe about his belongings. As it turned out his brother clepted his tools which irked me no end at the time, but a better idea suggested by a real estate agent I befriended was to have an estate sale IF there aren't family members (his brother or your children) who don't want them. I personally would have wanted to have some of my husbands tools which you might consider. Just basics that were his. Hammer, screw drivers....that kind of thing. They had precious memories for me and I was mad to see them gone. The other thing in general, is that my own worst grieving happened a dozen years ago after my oldest brother died and at that time, I found that no matter how hard I tried to plan things, if the door didn't open, there was no WAY I could go through it. It boiled down to my will.....giving way to God's and I do think it's part of the grieving process. I think he wants to make sure our souls are in a good place before we move on. Or perhaps our minds are in gear or SOMEthing. I never COULD figure it out but eventually just learned to yield. I hope this helps.
Much love, continued prayers and support from here.
Your friend.
I'm not sure you can get to my blog the way it's set up as twins...by mistake. My current is: winderly-winderly@blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteForgive the brain lag. That's without the www or
ReplyDeletewinderly-winderly@blogspot.com
I can't imagine how hard this must be. I liked what you said about putting blinders on and letting God lead. I'm sure that is easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteI know how hard it is to let go of these things. But just gather what you can take with you. It was so hard to do and then have someone walk off with the few things I wanted. I got them back but they know longer worked. I figured I wasn't meant to have them. I wish I could help you but distance is great. Move forward as you have been going. You will be so happy for the moves you have made when all is said and done.
ReplyDeleteSunny, my heart and prayers go out to you. I hope things fall into order for you soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to be spamming your comments! I woke up this morning thinking about tools. To me tools are to a man, what jewelry is to a woman as it relates to who either should be left to upon death. My angst about my husband's tools is because I still very much want his 3 grandsons to have them....young now but one already showing a talent in woodworking and I know my husband wanted them to have them. Also, tools arent always a guy thing. I spent many years by my husband's side hammering and sawing on various woodworking projects we did and loved it.
ReplyDeleteIf it's too monumental a decision to make now, they could always be put in storage while off spring give it more thought and make arrangements later to get them. If there's a place right there on your farm where they can be securely stored you could make arrngements with the new buyer perhaps. In any event, I would definetly allow that to be a family decision made in God's time as it's obviously as difficult for them as it is for you to be making it so soon when emotions are still so raw and feelings about things confusing.
I continue to keep you in my prayers and hope your trip to Nashville is a fun one.
When my Dad passed away, he too had a huge collection of tools. What my brothers didn't want or take, my Mom had them auctioned off. It might be worth contacting an auctioneer in your area to see about doing that.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about being dissapointed about not being able to do the traveling right now. Is there a way you could store your items for the move in a pod, do the RV thing, then have them deliver it to the new house once you are done with your trip?
A friend of mine did that. She had a pod delivered, then they stored her stuff till she was ready for her move -- incindentally, she moved to Pa too ;-)